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How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions
The Mind Unleashed ~ 24 June 2014
By Judith Orloff MD
Emotions
such as fear, anger, frustration, and immobility are energies. And you can
potentially ‘catch’ these energies from people without realizing it. If you
tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an
individual’s negative emotions, or even how to deflect the free-floating
negativities in crowds.
Another
twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional
sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to
others, especially suffering with similar pain. That’s how empathy works; we
zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves.
From
an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources:
what you’re feeling may be your own; it may be someone else’s; or it may be a
combination. Here is how to tell the difference and strategically bolster your
positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.
Stop
Absorbing Other People’s Emotions
- Identify whether
you’re susceptible. The
person most likely to be overwhelmed by negative energies surrounding you
is an “empath”, someone who acts as an “emotional sponge”. Signs that you
might be an empath include:
- People call you
“hyper-sensitive”, “overly sensitive”, etc., and they don’t mean it as a
compliment!
- You sense fear,
anxiety, and stress from other people and draw this into your body,
resolving them as your own physical pain and symptoms. It doesn’t have to
be people you don’t know or don’t like; you’re also impacted by friends,
family, and colleagues.
- You quickly feel
exhausted, drained, and unhappy in the presence of crowds.
- Noise, smells, and
excessive talking can set off your nerves and anxiety.
- You need to be alone
to recharge your energy.
- You’re less likely to
intellectualize what you’re feeling. Your feelings are easily hurt.
- You’re naturally
giving, generous, spiritually inclined, and a good listener.
- You tend to ensure
that you’ve got an escape plan, so that you can get away fast, such as
bringing your own car to events, etc.
- The intimacy of close
relationships can feel like suffocation or loss of your own self.
- Seek the source. First, ask yourself whether the feeling is your
own or someone else’s. It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or
anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with
professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator.
- For instance, if
you’ve just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater
feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people
sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap.
- The same is true with
going to a mall or a packed concert. If crowded places upset or overwhelm
you, it may well be because you’re absorbing all the negative energy
around you.
3.
Distance yourself from the suspected source, where possible. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel
relief. Don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public
place, don’t hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression
imposing on you.
4.
Center yourself by concentrating on your breath. Doing this connects you to your essence. For a few
minutes, keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself
and purify fear or other difficult emotions. Visualize negativity as gray fog
lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick
results.
5.
Flush out the harm. Negative
emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar
plexus (celiac plexus).
- Place your palm on
your solar plexus as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to
flush stress out.
- For longstanding
depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center.
It’s comforting and it builds a sense of safety and optimism as it becomes
a ritual.
6.
Shield yourself. A handy
form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients,
involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts
power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out
negativity or physical discomfort but allows what’s positive to filter in.
7.
Manage the emotional overload. You don’t need to be beholden to your ability to absorb other’s
emotions; turn the curse into a gift by practicing strategies that can free
you:
- Learn to recognize
people who can bring you down. People who are particularly difficult for
emotional empaths include criticizer, the victim, the narcissist, and the
controller. Judith Orloff terms these people “emotional vampires”. When
you know how to spot these behaviors, you can protect yourself against
them, including removing yourself from their presence, and telling
yourself that “I respect the person you are within even though I don’t
like what you’re doing.”
- Eat a high protein
meal before entering stressful situations such as being part of a crowd.
When in a crowd, find places of refuge, such as sitting on the edges, or
standing apart.
- Ensure that you don’t
have to rely on other people to get you out of difficult situations. Bring
your own car or know how to get home easily when needed. Have sufficient
funds to be able to make alternate arrangements if you start feeling
overwhelmed.
- Set time limits.
Knowing how much you can stand and obeying that limit is vital to ensure
your mental well-being. Also set kind but meaningful boundaries with
others who overwhelm you; don’t stand around listening to them talking for
two hours when you can only cope with half an hour.
- Have your own private
place in a home shared with others. Ask others to respect your downtime
during which you can rejuvenate. This is especially important to prevent
you from taking on your partner’s feelings too much. A study, man cave,
sewing room, reading nook, etc., all offer your own space.
- Practice meditation
and mindfulness.
8.
Look for positive people and situations. Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time
with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful
people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful
words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious and it will lift your mood.
- Cultivate positive
emotions that boost your inner strength. If you’re surrounded by peace and
love, you’ll flourish as strongly as negative emotions cause you to wilt.
Respecting your own needs through healthy self love will increase your
ability to respect others.
- Learn to use
compassion as a way to defend yourself against overwhelming emotions.
Compassion allows you to be empathetic to the plight of other people but
also requires that you are compassionate toward yourself. This means that
you don’t need to feel guilty about seeking respite from being overwhelmed;
doing so ensures that you can be more engaged with others in the long run,
rather than less so. It also means that you keep yourself whole by not
immersing yourself in the world of negative people.
9.
Create and maintain a haven for disengagement. Leave many paths open that lead to communing with the
resonance of nature. Returning to your rightful home as a creature of nature
switches off your victim mentality and recharges you energetically and
spiritually.
- Keep a picture of a
waterfall or a lush forest with you and look at it when overwhelmed.
- Step onto the quiet of
a forest path or absorb the coolness of a gently babbling brook from
beneath a weeping willow.
- Maintain a your
personal space of cozy retreat where you hook into your own personal power
and energy.
- Practice Yoga and
breathing techniques. These draw upon emotional centering and provide safe
harbor in times of storm.
About the Author
Judith Orloff MD is the author of many self-help books
including, The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower
Your Life, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and
Transform Your Life, and Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for
Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love.
