Beg

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Beg

Key Word(s): Beg - begging

1. to ask somebody for something in a very intense, humble, or even humiliating way

2. to ask for gifts of money or food, especially in the street

3. seek charity, seek alms

4. ask for, request, plead for, appeal for, call for, solicit, seek, press for mercy

5. implore, entreat, plead with, appeal to, supplicate, pray to, petition; literary beseech.

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Scripted words such as these are not easy to write; yet the reality of life dictates that I do so. There have been two constant struggles in my life from childhood to this very day, and they are being in a true love relationship and maintaining enough material gain to support a basic lifestyle. I know, some will say, that is not exclusive to me. That statement is definitely true, but does that truth nullify the reality of my lifelong suffering? No, that truth does not take the stinging pain out of my experiences. I can also hear another question, there are people out there who have it much harder than you; so what makes you so special, that you feel you should be delivered from your pain? Yes there are a multitude of people who are homeless, starving, friendless, and all manner of discomfort that most would surely classify as being worst off than me. Nevertheless, just because someone has more difficulties than me, that does not mean that I should not seek better, that I should not expect better, that I should not desire better, that I should not demand better. As far as I understand and believe, no matter what the circumstances we all should be seeking deliverance from that which burdens us. So that is exactly what I have been doing, and what I am doing this very day.

I must confess that I am tired of the lifelong pain caused by these perpetual struggles. I am not angry about it; I am just extremely weary from it. I am one who has always sort to do the right thing, one who has always loved helping and serving others, also one who could not stomach misusing or abusing others for selfish-gain. More than anything else I actually enjoy doing the right thing, loving and serving others, and that is the way I remember myself being as far back as I can remember. I remember being five years old walking back and forth on the sidewalk in front of my families house and asking God this, why are people so mean; all I want to do is love them and be loved back? Why do they treat me like they do? That conversation with God came about because my stepsister was extremely mean to me because she did not like my dad, or me because her father had died; and then came my dad and I was born. There was one other reason it, some kids my age had chased me and started to beat me up because they thought my father was Caucasian, I guess they thought that was a bad thing.

The majority of the situations throughout my entire life have been associated with the fear that others had of me being different from them. One of my lifelong thorns was not being able to connect with a lady who believed I was the way that I am, a lady that would be true to me and Love me for who I am. My other lifelong thorn is the financial one, and the remainder of those painful financial situations in my life. I am still totally clueless over my financial challenges. I am not and never have I been a lazy person, matter of fact I really enjoy working and staying busy. I have had people on jobs tell me, slow down you are making me look bad; I was never trying to make others look bad, I just enjoyed working, especially at my own pace. However, someone like me is a threat to those who only want to do enough just to get by. I do not have a problem with people seeing life, and participating in life differently than I do. There are certain things that I feel I must do to feel good about myself, and the number one thing is to always do my best. Yet that is one of my dilemmas. Why does doing my best, why does giving my all not at least produce enough for me to live off of? I am seeking love (a good relationship) and finances (a livable income). Is that asking for too much from life?

All of this brings me to the word and state called begging. Is begging wrong or uncalled for. It is taught by religion that one should not have repetitious prayers; but why shouldn’t someone pray for something more than once when that which is prayed for is not answered, and the situation is desperate, especially when one has done all that they know to do and there is nothing else left to do. It is also taught in religion that we have not because we ask not. Well, I have been asking for direction and even a miracle to resolve my situations. I really do not want it done for me; I just want to be shown what I need to do to correct my situation all of my life. Yet at the same time I have no problem with it being taken care of for me, if that is how it is to be done. I am willing to be shown and I will do, or be given to and I will receive it. However, since nothing is happening I ask for assistance again, or as it is defined I beg. I am not to proud to beg, I will do whatever it takes to resolve these issues; that is of course whatever it takes that will not hurt another or go against the universal laws of loving and caring. I do that which I know to do and beg because I am not looking for others to do for me. I have had others help me from time to time, and I greatly appreciate them and their help. However, I want to help myself, I want to resolve this myself, because these are my issues. So I will continue to beg if that is what it takes. To me begging is simply intense prayer. I must say it again; “I ain’t to proud to beg”.

I hope that my begging and the way I live my life does not negatively affect others. I believe and doing my best to live all of the ways in which I believe, teach, and preach; nonetheless I am only human. Because I am human I am learning on a daily basis how to live life properly, as well as learning that there are things that I sincerely believed in that I was in error believing. As I have shared in my scripted words numerous times, do not get upset with me or think that I am a hypocrite, if I am saying and doing one thing today and something altogether different tomorrow. That which I say and do is that which I believe in, but if one day I find out that what I am doing and/or believing in is in error, I will change what I do and/or believe in a split second. Many times this life journey is about that for all of us. How long did mankind profess that the world was flat, and how long did mankind believe in and practice bloodletting? Bloodletting is the removal of blood in the belief that doing so would release and heal disease. This thing called life is said to be a type of school, so in school we learn, we are tested, we pass, and sometimes we fail and have to be retested. In school there are times when the so-called facts have to be changed, because we human beings in our current state of imperfection are prone to make mistakes from time to time. I truly believe that we are perfect beings; however somewhere and for some unknown reason we turned our backs on that perfection. Now we all are on the path of awakening to that perfection.

To beg is to ask somebody for something in a very intense, humble, and sometimes a very humiliating way. What is wrong with begging, if the end result is being a better person and being in a better situation and a better place of existence? I mostly beg for direction and understanding, not just for that which will serve me. I beg for that which will serve me while at the same time help me to serve the whole of creation in a greater way. Is that begging for a selfish cause? No of course that is not begging for a selfish cause. I recognize that I am a part of the whole of creation, and I do not want to do or acquire that which does not serve and benefit the whole of creation in the greatest way. I simply have not found out how to do that yet. Please notice that I said yet. As I said before; begging is simply intense prayer.

If you have any suggestions or insights to these situations I am living through, please do not hesitate to share them with me. I am open to hear all of the suggestions and insights that you have because I know that we are both the student and the teacher, even in this state of temporary confusion we are experiencing. In no way do I feel that I know it all, and my way of doing things and believing is the only way there is, I am open to correction and direction when correction and direction is necessary. So please do not hesitate to communicate whatever you have within you concerning this. We are all in this experience called life together. Matter of fact, every single one of us are a part of each other by way of the Divine Oneness of our Beloved Mother/Father Goddess/God. Please do not look down on me when I am down, please extend me your hands and help me up. Whether you do this for me or not, I will always do this for you. My hands and my heart (Love) are always extended outward to help you and the whole of creation; that is who and what I am.

I plant the seeds that I plant because I know that they will grow,

because I water them with Love.

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Affirmation:

I give of myself completely, first to that which is right, then I give myself to my Sisters, Brothers, and the Whole of Creation; I do that in and through Unconditional Love!

Baba-Kundi Ma`at-Shambhala
(SpiritWalker)
08.02.12